Why Hospitality and Entertaining are Not the Same Thing
Have you ever pondered the distinction between hospitality and entertaining? Perhaps one excites you more than the other, or maybe both concepts cause some trepidation. Entertaining often feels like a high-stakes performance, demanding perfection in every detail—from the food and décor to the conversation and activities. In contrast, hospitality welcomes imperfection, embracing the essence of fellowship. Hospitality operates on an open-door, open-life policy, inviting guests to connect despite the state of one’s home or life. Entertaining, on the other hand, demands everything to be impeccable before guests arrive. This confusion between the two can lead to an aversion to hospitality altogether.
The Wisdom of Jen Wilkin
Jen Wilkin, a respected Bible teacher and author, explores this topic in her piece for The Gospel Coalition, titled “Why Hospitality Beats Entertaining.” Reflecting on a past tweet, she states:
“Moms: keeping an orderly house frees you to exercise hospitality at will. Both the order and the hospitality are examples to your children.”
Wilkin admits, “Several years later, I still cringe remembering that tweet, mainly because I’ve failed to live up to it repeatedly ever since. I presume my house was spotless on November 6, 2010, but it has rarely been so since.”
More importantly, she regrets the tweet because it sets a flawed standard. It conflates hospitality with entertaining, which Wilkin describes as a Pinterest-ready landscape aimed at impressing others. Entertaining, she argues, focuses on self, while hospitality prioritises the comfort and inclusion of guests. The distinction lies not just in the setting, but in the intent and the guest list.
Wilkin eloquently notes, “Only the second would invite the poor, the crippled, the lame, the blind to pull up a chair and sip from the stemware (Luke 14:12–14). Our motives are revealed not just in how we set our tables, but in who we invite to join us at the feast. Entertaining invites those whom it will enjoy. Hospitality takes all comers.”
She has since revised her stance: “Moms: exercise hospitality freely, clean house or not, to any and all. Willingness and generosity are the hallmarks of a hospitable home.”
The Biblical Perspective
Hospitality is a profound way to emulate our infinitely hospitable God. The biblical story of Mary and Martha perfectly illustrates the difference between hospitality and entertaining. Luke 10:38-39 recounts:
“Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving.”
Martha, focused on preparation and provisions, missed the opportunity for meaningful fellowship, while Mary prioritised conversation and connection. This narrative doesn’t dismiss the importance of service and preparation but warns against allowing them to overshadow genuine fellowship.
Hospitality in Practice
Most guests prefer the richness of conversation over the perfection of a place setting. Preparation and service, though acts of love, can sometimes detract from the essence of fellowship. When we prioritise our service over our time spent with guests, we miss the opportunity for deeper connections. Hospitality fosters an environment where sharing struggles, doubts, and questions is welcomed. It acknowledges that life is messy, and that’s perfectly acceptable.
Tony Merida, a contributor to Crosswalk.com, emphasises:
“Following Jesus includes following His practice of hospitality—joyous, authentic, generous, countercultural, and hope-filled hospitality. When Jesus says, ‘Come follow me,’ He isn’t calling us to offer a class or start a program, but to follow His way of life. And that way includes opening up our homes and lives to others. But before we’ll do this, we must open our hearts.”
If the idea of entertaining feels daunting, take heart! Hospitality is achievable regardless of the state of your home or life. Inviting people into your imperfect world showcases authenticity and opens doors for genuine conversation and fellowship. Just as Jesus invites us to fellowship amidst our mess, we too should extend that invitation to others—embracing the beauty of imperfection.
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